Wow - this blog has no seen any action for MORE THEN A YEAR!!  Like seriously........more then 12 months - shoot more then 13 months - dang more then even that......see I figure I will just confuse myself if I keep talking about how many months it has been since I last posted.  Let me simply say - My Kids So Totally Do Not Look Like My Cover Photo Any Longer.  At All.  Well they resemble those kids, but they don't really look like them anymore.

Why am I here?  Why after so much time have I bothered to come back and look at this blog and post something?  Is it because I have suddenly become inspired?  No - wish it were.  Is it because there are no really interesting things to write about.  No - in fact we are probably less funny here in our world then we used to be........eeehhhh - scratch that - we are still funny....in a laughing is better then crying kind of a way.  Is it because I suddenly find myself with so much time on my hands that I CAN write a blog again?  No - actually my free time has become less present then it used to be.  But who needs free time - I mean what would you do with it, but waste it right?  I mean I know that everyone wants to read my prattlings about nothingness so this writing a blog thing is so totally not a waste of time - right? 

Hey wait - don't leave - keep reading.

Really though - I am writing again to save my sanity.  Yes - stop laughing - I do have some sanity left.  I don't care what you heard on the grape vine.......I have enough sanity left that at least I am not at the gas station trying to buy cigarettes in my birthday suit.  So it is due to trying to get some of this stuff out of my head and into someone elses - oh and because someone said that I write well (now that person has a lack of sanity) and because I am supposed to write some article for my fondant class coming up and I am all out of practice so I thought I would write something here and then segue into trying to write something there.  Okay - right - really I am just procrastinating writing that by writing this.

So while I do intend to write something about the crazy sanity breaking stuff that is in our household on a daily basis (no I don't mean I am going to write on a daily basis - that would be crazy) - it won't be that much today - or that interesting really.  Ack.

What's Your Favorite Color?

I agree with every person I hear say, "Color doesn't matter....it is who the person is." True to an extent though. Color does matter. I believe that every individual I have heard make this statement (or "I don't see color") is a white person. Not that it is bad. It should be true. The skin color of a person should not matter. But there is division. Color does matter. It is unfortunate in some cases.............but mostly it is WONDERFUL!!

Having difference is WONDERFUL!!

Being Unique is IMPORTANT!!

Shoot if we are honest.........there are lots of folks who ADD color to make their experience different - to stand out - to make sure that the color is SEEN. Tattoo's? They are everywhere these days. My 9 year old son's ever changing hair colors? Difference is beautiful...........Difference is sought after..........Difference is an art form...........so why are we claiming to not see a Difference when we should really be embracing it? It is totally confusing to me.

What does a person mean when they say "I don't see color?". My guess is for most it is a way of saying "I am not a racist." Which is good. I mean to not be a racist is good. But in saying that you don't see color you may also be saying that you don't see their difference. And I will put this in a white person perspective because I am a white person. When I look at a person I relate them to me - to my experience - to my life. I am white. If I am looking at a person who is any other race or color then I am erasing something important about them. I am white washing them so to speak. Their experience being NOT ME. Their experience being a different race. And the argument would be absolutely correct to say that I am doing the same exact thing for the person who is of the same race I am. They have a completely different life experience and I have erased it by first putting them in my own experiential history. Does that make sense? I will never have the same experience that another person has. But to say I don't see color is not fair to the person I am erasing the color off of - regardless of what race they are - same or different then my own.

Embracing the thought that another person's color represents their experience........their family culture........their neighborhood culture.......their personality........their history.......their Themness.

The other day I asked my 5 year old what his favorite color was. I know his favorite color. Blue. And I fully expected to hear him say, "Blue. Maudy you know my favorite color is blue." But I am one of those moms who likes to ask the same question over and over again. Making notes of the things that might be answered differently.

That day he surprised me. When I asked what his favorite color was he did not say Blue - instead he said, "Brown." I said, "Why is your favorite color brown?" He said, "Because I am brown and my E is brown." His E is his best friend that lives down the street. E is brown just like my son. Then he added, "Brown is my favorite to be Maudy, but I like your color too."

He see's the difference and he is 5.

What's my point? Ummmm.....well I suppose my point is SEE THE DIFFERENCE.....Embrace it....don't try to make it go away........Maybe it we all can accept that we are not all the same we can start really seeing each other.

But I Bet He Was Never Taught This

I know I have talked about BigGuy A LOT. Because he is my husband..........it kinda lends itself to having to do that. Then there is also that he is my Best Friend. And because he is there for most of the things that I do so part of it. Although that last part he might rather get to duck out of a few times - because let's be honest about me - I ask a lot of questions in reference to feedback on things that I am doing.....and sometimes I can be critical of the feedback that I personally solicit. I don't mean critical of the person who gives the feedback - or really that I am saying I will debate the feedback - just that I want to pull it apart and analyze it so that I know EXACTLY what the person means ABOUT the feedback if it isn't "OHMYGOSH THAT IS THE COOLEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE".......although I am talented enough to be able to pull comments like that apart too enough to drive the person that has said it insane.

"Why is that the coolest thing ever?" "What are you comparing it to?" "How was that NOT the coolest thing ever" "Was it due to color, flavor, time it took" "Are you saying this because we are friends" "Will you be totally honest if I let you try this"

CB, SH, SS, JB - they all know about this barrage of questioning that I can do. Right friends? However, I also have the skill set to be able to tell when NOT to question (er interrogate) someone.

So needless to say BigGuy is trained in having to deal with my questioning and having to deal with the different hings that I throw his way. Who knows - maybe he was trained from birth to take this kind of feedback requesting on by his mom. I mean maybe this ability to ask for feedback until the person passes out is not special to me - maybe this is skill many woman possess and just few ask for my feedback (hmmmmm maybe I should ask feedback on this). BigGuy was raised by his mom and 2 sisters - so perhaps he is just fluently well versed in all that is WOMAN.

But I bet he was never taught this.

No one can teach a Dad to be a great Dad. It just happens. If the child they are dad to is lucky the Dad learns the Greatness early on. My memory of growing up was pretty much that there were A LOT of things about Girls that Boys didn't know - that Boys didn't want to know - that Boys were basically taught to avoid - that Dad's did not help Girls with - that Dads pretended didn't exist (not just my dad) - that Girls just did not have their Dads as part of. And honestly - some of the topics Moms were not great at addressing either (not just mine).

BigGuy is great at all of it. BigGuy also wants to be part of all of it. Which is probably what makes him great at it.

SuperStar had a milestone occurrence in her life. This is my way of hinting at what MAY have happened as I have sworn I will not SAY what has happened. But mind you - she has developed a new sense of growing up. Now I have heard few friends talk about this process unless I directly ask...........see the above section on asking for feedback on things. It seems to me as our daughters enter this phase of development we should be clinging to one another - both to usher them into this phase of their life as a "group of supportive woman" who celebrate them as they cross the thresh hold (I mean honestly.....we are throwing parties for giving up binkies, for not using diapers, for having dry beds, parties for the first day of preschool, full scale graduations for the last day of preschool, gifts for lost teeth.....we celebrate EVERYTHING.....then a girl has her first "time" and we all scatter under rocks and pretend like this is an event worthy of embarassment instead of embracement. This particular development is what will continue the world - it is life giving - maybe if we throw a party for IT woman will regain some of their status and men won't have .........anyway we can go into that later I suppose). My point is - celebrate this milestone for your daughters a bit more excitedly then the giving up of the binkie - it means a lot more.

So SuperStar hit this milestone. It was a big big deal to me......and probably a bigger deal to her - maybe - maybe not. But one of the coolest things in my eyes is that BigGuy made sure he was part of it too. Granted he wasn't given much space NOT to be part of it........but it didn't matter because he WANTED to be part of it. For instance - a few months prior to it happening I was cleaning SuperStar's room and found some unwrapped items with a deep red color on them. Surprised and since she was standing next to me I yelped that she should have told me. She responded with, "oh I was just practicing with makeup". Did you practice? Yeah, me either. Let's give her creativity points for that. A week or so later I told BigGuy about that. Before I could say it was just practice he chided me for not telling him so he could be part of it. Sweet right?

Let's skip forward to the "day of". She came home and told me - that was the day. I listened to the tale of what happened since she was at school and reported it to a male teacher and it was kinda funny to picture........then when she went off to her room I called BigGuy. He picked her up flowers and brought them home. He hugged her and congratulated her and made himself part of the whole experience - minus explaining and shopping for supplies. Then we took her to dinner out where she choose to go - St. Louis Bread Company (not my choice for such a life changing event, but my kids don't get out much I guess). We took the boys too and when they asked WHY we were celebrating SuperStar we told them........and when TheMan said he wanted to go to some restaurant when he had his we explained that he wouldn't be experiencing this development.......and when he complained how unfair that was I thought to myself.....that is as it should be - he should see this particular life gift as something that he should be envious of because it is a gift and not a burden.

I am Lame Enough To Make My Next Post a Link To Another Blog

So I am totally Lame Enough that after weeks and weeks of not posting I would make my next post a Link to a Blog that my friend, PG (funny she is 1 P short of being me - PPG - maybe that is why I like her so much), forced me to read and laugh so hard I cried while doing it.

Hyperbole and a Half - funny funny funny. PG sent enlightened me to the posting from December last month. First time I ever heard of the blor or read the blog. As I was reading it I started to giggle - this drew TheKing's attention - he came in and asked what I was giggling at. I showed him the blog - which has drawings that accentuate the story, but that are drawn to look much like children's drawings. At first TheKing laughed looking at the pictures and wanted me to read the story to him - but even though I read out loud the story was lost on him. So he wandered away.

I read on.

Not long after I continued reading I started to actually laugh out loud (LOL for those of you who no longer understand completely written out words due to excessive texting). TheKing wandered back in wanting to know what it was making me laugh out loud (LOL). He looked at the computer - evaluated the pictures and said, "That isn't funny Maudy." (Maudy is his name for BigGuy and I - just like we call the kids a garbled mixture of their 3 names due to confusion of which we are addressing - TheKing does the same with us - Maudy - Maummy + Dauddy = Maudy). His not thinking the hilarious blog was funny made me laugh harder. He stared me down. Like really stared me down - like I was totally in trouble. I tried to explain the point of the story, but it was unexplainable to a 5 year old. So instead I laughed harder. He got a bit flustered I was laughing. Probably confused as to if I was laughing at him or with him, but the story was funny and his inability to understand it seemed to make it funnier. Eventually I was laughing so hard I started crying.

This made TheKing really mad and he said, "You need to go to your room and control your motions."

Which of course made me pee my pants.

All that said here is last months Hyperbole and a Half post. After you read that read this months - it is just as funny!

Hyperbole and a Half - The Year Kenny Loggins Ruined Christmas

Another - What Would You Say.....Do.....Text?

This past September we gave SuperStar a cell phone - I probably blogged about it - in fact I am fairly certain I have said something or another about how she has a twisted sense of what to text about and when to text......but this blog isn't about that - although there is a thought provoking one coming.

This blog is about MY cell phone. See when we gave SuperStar a phone we upgraded my phone too. I had a pay as you go phone. It worked fine, but I had gotten to the point of being in so many groups that I was using it more and more and paying more for minutes then a regular plan with the extra phone for SuperStar would have cost us a month (we don't have a data plan so our costs are relatively low). I have to admit that I was excited about getting a phone that I didn't have to say "hey I am paying for these minutes, can you please get to the point?" when I was talking with someone...........because let's face it my friends - some of you all ramble on and on (and yes that is the pot calling all you kettle's out).

When we got the phones we played with them - SuperStar more successfully, but still fun.

And I kid you not......the FIRST DAY that I had my brand new phone I received a phone call for the previous owner - ACK - who wants to field calls for someone that used to own the phone? Worse yet - it was a COLLECTION call!! 2 in the first day. And the companies didn't sound like they believed that I was not the person they were asking - who funny enough was named BJ!! Thought I was going to say HalfPint? Yeah, no.......BJ......great right? Barney's little friend used to own my phone (come on - get your mind out of the gutter - this is a family blog ;0) ).

The next few weeks I received many many many many collection calls. Some from the same few companies who promised over and over and over to take the number off their call list (and never did) and some from random companies. It was a true treat.

I also got a few calls from the Diabetic society. Who also didn't believe me. One day the woman asked at least 5 times if I were really sure there was NO ONE in my home who had diabetes. I assured her we did not, but to give us 10 years and call back. They gave me 2 days and called back.

So last night we were driving home from Christmas Caroling at a retirement village with our schools Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. I got a text from a number that I did not have in my phone. It said, "Do u have any ideas for BigGuy for Christmas?? He need new boots or coat to wear around the barns?" Now this was different - not a collection agency - not the diabetics - just a number I didn't know who knew BigGuy. Nice change. But STALKER came to mind since I didn't know the number and they knew my husband.

Weird - we don't have a barn - and they wanted to buy BigGuy a gift. Who was this? I felt badly that I didn't recognize the number, so instead of admitting it I went fishing......."My BigGuy?" I asked.
"Yeah.....I don't know any other BigGuys's. Hahaha how u feeling?" they responded.

Hmmmm.......I have a really really bad cold - I think it might be turning into a sinus infection. This is totally someone I know. I would feel badly admitting I have no clue who they are.......so I responded with, "Well you threw me off with the barn & boots - why are you wanting to get him a gift - isn't he on the naughty list?"......I was thinking maybe it was one of his BS's. I added, "You really don't know any other Daves" and they said, "Not that I would buy a gift for......hahaha"...........

Hmmm......so I asked, "Why are you buying him a gift?" to which they responded, "For Christmas and bc we love him." ........sweet.......maybe it is a female stalker.........so I thought I should find out for certain who this was and said, "I need to put you in my phone - how do I spell your name?"

Then the person said, "BJ this is PumpkinHead (not her real name), your daughter in law." I texted back, "That is awesome, my oldest kids is 11, but my husbands name is BigGuy - oops - we don't have a barn - have a great holiday!".........then it hit me - wait she means BJ.......the collection callers from hell focus person.......BJ!! after a few other texts I sent, "Wait were you trying to get someone by the name BJ SuperStar?" (if you know SuperStar's real world name you get the reference. And they responded, "Yes, who is this?"........so I sent my real name and let her know that I get tons of calls for BJ SuperStar all the time - and she never texted me back.

BigGuy says that I should let her know that her mother in law is being searched for. I really really really do not like the collection calls I am still getting still 4 months later............

What would you do? Would you start forwarding the calls to BJ's family? Or ask the daughter-in-law how to get a hold of BJ.......or just keep fielding collection calls from rude people who think I am lying to them?

Occassionally I am the one making the Blunder

I post every once and again about being disappointed that someone has made a racial/social/personal blunder in my world. Honestly I know that I also post about things that I do myself that are Blundery.......but sometimes I amaze myself when they are back to back - Blunder Annoying Me - to - Blunder I Make .......generally if I am experiencing a blunder I can catch my own from happening.

This time I didn't.

So TheKing wants to have a birthday party to celebrate how fabulous he is and have people bring gifts showing him their adoration. Don't we all? You don't? Well them I am guessing that you are Jehovah Witness. Anyway that can be an entire other blog - back to the birthday adoration - this year TheKing wants a Curious George party. No biggie you say? Yes, well then I am guessing you are a white person.

TheKing is 4 - TheKing loves Curious George - it would seem fair that TheKing should have a Curious George party. TheKing is African American though. I mention TheKing's birthday party theme wish to a friend........she stares at me in horror and says, "You can't do that."

I know she is right - but it seems not fair - birthdays are about having it "your way". Since it seems not fair I ask another friend (you should know these friends are African American - and another friend who has adopted a son from Ethiopia as well - so I have 3 people weighing in on this). She takes a more sympathetic/empathetic stance - knows that I know what I am asking and that I am aware of the negative stereotypes attached to this theme. I start crying - she hugs me - all is good - but it is confirmed........no Curious George party. Not a good idea. I am told that any black parent who comes to the party will be offended and that basically when TheKing is older he will look back and wonder what the heck his parents were thinking.

TheKing and I talk and he changes his mind - no, we didn't talk about the subtle stereotypes and racist imaging that is causing the theme to change - more we talked about having a magician instead and maybe a Curious George party another time.

Where is the offensive blunder? Well there wasn't one.........but as TheKing would say "Keep it in your head" that I just went through this experience of race sensitivity.....

two days later........

TheMan is getting ready to go to a birthday party (hey, maybe the real problem in the world is all these birthday parties?! Get rid of birthdays and it is all good.). TheMan needs a birthday card to go with his gift. TheMan is too lazy to make the card like his sister would......hint hint if you are reading TheMan. So BigGuy asks if there are any cards that I have stashed to use with the gift. I go in search of an appropriate card - not too "little kid" - not too "girly" - not too "dorky". Find one - it seems perfect - safari like which will match a boy thing - has a zebra on it which is kinda cool - and I bring it up to BigGuy who looks at it and says, "You can't do that".

Why not you ask? Well the birthday boy has a white parent and a black parent. Negative stereotype imaging again. Will it seem like a big deal to me? No. To the birthday boy? Probably not yet as he is a little young. Would his parents notice? Maybe. Is it worth risking feelings? Absolutely not.

I go downstairs and dig another card out of my stash. Blunder outside of the house averted - but I am disappointed in myself and a bit amazed that I missed it. Is this over thinking? White Privilege would say "yes" I am over thinking it........but when was White Privilege ever right?

I Didn't Date 100 Guys for No Reason....

So SuperStar is now in Jr. High. I now know why parents cry when their child enters Jr. High. Before now I thought they cried because their kiddo's were getting older and that meant that time was slipping away..........in the hour glass that is our life.........

Now I know the Truth.

The Truth is that as a child enters Jr. High they begin to morph into this being that is more independent (good right?).......more sure of themselves (ahhhhh.....part of the time at least).......more likely to throw me under the bus of understanding (totally)........what do I mean by that?

Let's see - how to explain - ummmmm - well - errrrr

In Elementary school SuperStar believed that the world was fair - that homework was easy - that getting straight A's was just "who she was" - and that I knew most everything. So if she had a question about the world around her she came to me (or BigGuy - who at that stage in her life was also seen as Brilliant). We gave her the answers she needed and she skipped away reassured that life was good.

In Jr. High......ah - not so much.

Is she still an A student - yes - is the world fair - not nearly as much as it was in the past - is homework easy - well, yes, when she isn't crying due to the stress of having to get it ALL done - are BigGuy and I still BRILLIANT? - not a chance (although I think she still at least considers our input before dismissing it).

Recently SuperStar had her first crush. Okay, not her FIRST crush - really it was the same crush she has had for 2 years now - same boy - same crush - same same same. Only this time he asked her to "go out" with him. After some teasing about it from him that is.

Here is why I am a totally lucky mom - She Talked To Me About It Through The Whole Thing - she let me read texts - she let me read face book chats - she let me hear her thoughts - she talked to me about the whole thing.

Here is why I was not such a lucky mom - She Believes That I Know NOTHING About Romance - or any other kind of a relationship with a crush target.......

"It is totally different now" I was told. So I explained to her exactly how she felt............remember that feeling - the person you are crushing on is in the hallway at school - you can see that person - you are trying not to look, but you have to look to see if he/she is looking at you.....and OH MY GOODNESS if they are looking at you your head spins a bit and your stomach gets all fluttery and you can't help but giggle a bit and blush........and you know she said that is EXACTLY how she feels.

So I DO understand - right? Wrong.

I can't possibly understand. Or so SuperStar believes. She even said she wished she had a sister or a cousin who lived near by that could really understand how she feels and talk to her about it. I didn't date 100 guys for no reason.........it was total research so that I could talk to my daughter one day and commiserate no matter what the "romantic" situation she fell into......it was absolutely NOT because I was boy crazy and said "okay" every time some guy asked me to go on a date - or because I was hungry and needed a free meal. Yet here I stand after all that research and I have No Clue What So Ever as to how SuperStar feels.

The way I see it - the only difference between my romantic Jr. High life and SuperStar's romantic Jr. High life is that when her crush asked her to "go out" it was in a face book chat - and when my crush asked me to go out it was in a note that read like this:

Will you go out with me?

Circle One

Yes No Maybe

What was the "Maybe" about anyway? Now a days hand writing a note is considered too personal.........no cyber no love. How archaic that we would WRITE our questions down - pass it to another person and then ask them to give it to our crush. In the modern world they now text the person sitting next to their crush and ask them to ask the person if they like them and then wait for the answer via text. Yeah, that is sooooooooooooo different. Whatev's (as the cool Jr. High kids say these days).

So I know why those parents are crying when their Jr. High student climbs the bus or jumps out of the SUV that first day of 6th grade........it is because things are changing........their student is about to believe that they are not the center of the universe anymore.......and dating 100 guys was really for no reason at all........except maybe actually for a free meal.